I’ve heard of the ‘he’s just not that into you’ concept a couple of years ago when I was watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show. It was funny to watch it back then coz they would always finish answering a question with the phrase, ‘he’s just not that into you’. I was amused by that show.
Anyway, this wasn’t a book that I would have ever thought of reading. This wasn’t a book that I would have thought any women would need to read. I mean, seriously, aren’t we women the experts in any dating game? Do we women not know when a man is into us or not? Why do we need to take advice from the male species? (And deep down inside me, I didn’t have the guts to read the book, with fear of knowing the truth about men).
Well — fast forwarding to Sept 16, 2009, apparently I was that woman who picked out this book at the MPH bookstore, paid it at the counter, chucked it into her bag, ripped the plastic open the moment she got home and started reading. I was curious. I want to know what are these supposedly signs that men gives out when they are just not that into you.
I’ve finished the book and was left speechless for quite awhile. Yea, I lost my trace of speech and thoughts along the way.
Right.
Anyway, according to Greg Behrendt (author of this book; btw, the co-author of this book is Liz Tuccillo, who is also the executive story editor of Sex and the City), there are 11 signs that would clearly depict that a guy is just not that into you. And, here’s the list;
- He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else.
- He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk.
- He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you.
- He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations of being unavailable).
- He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak.
As I read the book, I realize we women tend to come up with excuses for the men (without them knowing of coz). I really don’t know why we do that, but somehow, we do. If he doesn’t call, it’s probably because he’s too busy or he’s just too tired with his job on that particular day. If he doesn’t wanna even talk about marriage or the future despite being together for 3 years or more, it’s probably because he’s too scared due to failures from past relationships. If he doesn’t want to get intimate, it’s probably because he’s stressed out with the family matters at home.
And if you really think about it, the excuses are just a list of never ending stories. Some stories just gets a little way too bizarre. But we women still buy in to these stories. Women who told Greg these stories are not dumb women. They are smart and successful in the corporate world with great careers, just like any other successful man. But why are such smart women not getting the sign?
Ultimately, it rolls down to if the man is really into you. If he is, he would move mountains for you. If he isn’t, holding hands in public may be seen as a problem. It is really really that simple.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book;
Hanging out is not dating. (pg 45)
There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him. (pg 56)
Love cures commitment-phobia (pg 101)
What’s the big, nasty, awful shame ladies? It’s okay to want to get married. And it’s okay to ask someone if they see themselves being married, or if they see themselves being married to you. Let me remind you: There are many, many men out there who want to be and are getting married; that’s why there are so many florists, priests and taffeta-makers out there. (pg 111)
If he’s really into you, he’ll get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. (pg 154)
My friend met a guy who had just broken up with his girlfriend 2 weeks before, after living with her for 3 years. She thought that she was just going to be his “rebound” romance. He thought she may be that as well. But even though he could have used the excuse that he wasn’t ready yet, because he had “just gotten out of something,” he didn’t. Because he was really into her, he never let her feel that he wasn’t available to her. They are now in a serious relationship. (pg 156)
If you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy. (pg 159)
And the ultimate favorite quote of all favorite quotes;
You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. (pg 183)
Do I trust Greg 100%? No. Would I treat this book like a love bible that I hang on to everytime I meet a guy? No. But was Greg right about some of the things he said about how us women react to the signals given by men? Yes. Do I hate Greg? Yes. Why? Simply because, he’s right to some level. I know Liz hates him as well.
All in all, if you want to have a good laugh, go ahead and read this book. Doesn’t really matter if you’re single or married or somewhat in between. I personally think guys should give this book a go as well. I’m just curious if guys do agree with what Greg has got to say in this book. I kinda think that most of them would go on a outrage, cursing Greg, giving him the how-dare-you-say-all-these-nasty-things yadaa yadaa yadaa stuff in his face.
If he’s into you, he’ll show you that he’s really into you. He’ll do everything to be with you. Actions are always louder than words. No?
I wonder if the movie is any good.
p/s: I’m sorry Obama. I shall go back to reading your biography now. I just had to take this detour.
pp/s: Have a great holiday ppl. Selamat Hari Raya to all my muslim friends/readers! woot!
). He sure is getting older. I wish he would stop growing any older. 
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